英文習(xí)作修改之我見

1、? 英文習(xí)作修改之我見 如何修改自己的習(xí)作是不少學(xué)生頭疼的一件事。不過由于寫作時間太短，通常來說學(xué)生最多只能匆忙看一遍自己寫的東西，做一點簡單修改 就交卷。有些學(xué)生的作文甚至在沒有任何修改的情況下就交了?？上攵?，這樣的作文往往是百孔千瘡，有的甚至是沒有一個句子是對的。我 們自然要問：平時的習(xí)作訓(xùn)練中，學(xué)生們是否有靜下心來，仔細推敲、琢磨，完善自己的習(xí)作呢？筆者在自己的作文教學(xué)中發(fā)現(xiàn)，以應(yīng)試為導(dǎo)向的作文教學(xué)使得這方面的 培養(yǎng)普遍相當(dāng)匱乏

2、。教師和現(xiàn)行的作文教材常常引入模塊訓(xùn)練法、十句 作文法、范文背誦法等，這些方法對提高寫作分數(shù)確實也有一定的幫助。不過光光只有這些訓(xùn)練手段，可能會讓學(xué)生養(yǎng)成投機取巧的心理。然而學(xué)生以后寫的英文學(xué)術(shù)論文或摘要通常不是一蹴而就的，需要反反復(fù)復(fù)的修改、補充、潤色。遺憾的是當(dāng)前很少有寫作訓(xùn)練是針對這一點 來展開的。所以筆者在此就已經(jīng)被認為寫得還不錯的習(xí)作提出自己的修改建議，希望能同英文寫作愛好者共同分享修飾英語語言的樂趣。來看看下面的幾篇習(xí)作和分

3、析：一、假如你是奧運冠軍劉翔母校的一名學(xué)生，今天下午他回到了母校，請簡短報道一下他回母校的情況。報道可以包括下面一些內(nèi)容： 1.88 米的個子、燦爛的笑容、紅色 T 恤和藍短褲，很健康；為學(xué)生們唱歌，嗓音好聽；介紹奧運奪冠情況；為學(xué)生簽名；認為健康比金牌更重要。 [修改前]：Liu Xiang - King of the 110-meter Hurdle Race in Athens Liu Xiang, who had won the

4、 110-meter hurdle race championship in the Athens Olympic Games this year, returned to our school this afternoon. He is 1.88 meters tall, always wearing a bright smile. He is dressed in a red T-shirt and blue

5、 shorts, healthy and handsome. He sang songs for the students and his voice was beautiful. He was surrounded by the students who were eager for his signatures and he satisfied them.Liu Xiang talked to us about ho

6、w he got the first place in the Games. But he said that sports is only part of his life and that he would rather choose health than gold medals. “Health is always my No. 1 choice.” he emphasized. [分析點評]： 1) the

7、 110-meter Hurdle Race in Athens 雅典雖說是劉翔一舉成名的福地，但世界記錄不是在那破的。如果題目加上雅典就限制太多，制約了 文章的發(fā)揮。為了同主題相吻合，說明劉翔是一百一十米欄的王者，而不光光是雅典奧運會賽場上的王者，建議刪除該地點。 2) the 110-meter hurdle race championship in the Athens Olympic Games this year, retu

8、rned to our school this afternoon. 句中 the 110-meter-hurdle race 可以后移。Championship 通常指錦標賽，不是 奧運會，作冠軍地位講沒有 a gold medal 來得更具體。另外作者寫這篇歷。請你根據(jù)畫面所示內(nèi)容，用英語寫篇百字左右的日記。 圖片中看電影院的路上要改成去電影院的路上？[修改前]：October 3rd Friday, Fine This afte

9、rnoon, on my way to the cinema, I saw a purse fall off a man's bike. I shouted out to the man to stop, but he didn't hear me and rode away. I was wondering what to do when I had an idea．I stopped a taxi and got

10、into it with the purse. Soon we caught up with the man. He was so thankful that he offered me some money, but I refused it politely.Then the driver took me to the cinema．When I paid him, the driver said with

11、a smile, “Neither will I accept your money.” [分析點評]：1) I shouted out to the man to stop, but he didn't hear me and rode away. 此句表達不夠清晰，故把 to stop 改成 in order to stop him，目的性更明確；另外最后加上 quickly，才能為打的做更好的鋪墊，否則不是跑兩步就可以追上

12、嗎。 2) I was wondering what to do when I had an idea．建議改成 suddenly hit upon 更能體現(xiàn)出作者的急中生智，因為 had 更偏向于表示狀態(tài)。3）Soon we caught up with the man. 在 caught up with the man 中間加上and stopped 才能夠把邏輯關(guān)系表述清晰，沒有留下邏輯漏洞。4) He wa

13、s so thankful that he offered me some money, but I refused it politely. 歸還錢包這一點很重要，所以需要在 so thankful that 之間點出 to get his purse back。我們通常不會把 refuse 和 politely 這兩個詞放在一塊說，因為 refuse 比較強硬，和 politely 扯不到一塊去。必須把它們改成 declined

14、it. 5) Then the driver took me to the cinema．這里涉及到方向性的問題， 改成 took me back to 會更準確，而且照應(yīng)了前文。 6) When I paid him, the driver said with a smile, “Neither will I accept your money.” 在 driver said 中間如果加上 driver s

15、hook his head and said 則會更形象和具體。如果再加上：Good job! Young man!則 顯得的士司機的話不會太突兀，最后的 accept 一詞顯得有點被動，這是 的士司機的主動表示，建議改成 take。[修改后]： October 3rd Friday, Fine This afternoon, on my way to the cinema, I saw a purse fall off a

16、 man's bike. I shouted out to the man in order to stop him, but he didn't hear me and rode away quickly. I was wondering what to do when I suddenly hit upon an idea．I stopped a taxi and got into it with the pur